Miss P. attended a clinic asking for non-allergenic condoms. The nurse enquired why and was told that the patient was allergic to ordinary sheaths. Undetered by the patient’s defensive manner, the nurse enquired further and was told that the patient was sore after intercourse. She explained that this might be due to many causes other than allergy and put the patient through to see the doctor. Initially the patient appeared quite angry: ‘What was this all about? All I want was the condoms.’ The doctor resisted the impulse to give a lecture on the causes of soreness, merely saying that allergy to condoms was really rather rare, and could Miss P. tell her some more about what was wrong? Miss P. then told or how she had started to be sore after intercourse using condoms with her partner about two years previously. She knew it was the condoms because it was all right without, but they usually used condoms because he did not want her to get pregnant. She hastened to explain in some detail that he already had two children by his wife from whom he was separated. The doctor wondered silently why this decision not to get pregnant needed such anxious defence and asked, ‘Had you thought about changing to a different method of contraception?’ There was a long confused explanation – all about Pills upsetting her and him wanting to look after her and make sure she would not get pregnant – and the doctor did not clearly understand what Miss P. meant. She said, ‘It seems to me that you are saying that he needs to be sure that you are not going to get pregnant?’ There was a long silence. The doctor looked at Miss P.’s bowed head and eventually reached out and touched her hand saying, ‘You have some strong feelings about this?’ Miss P. looked away and said in a muffled voice, ‘I’m 28 now. I want to get married and leave home and have a family of my own, but he won’t get a divorce in case he can’t see his children again.’ There was another long silence.
‘What happened two years ago?‘ the doctor asked, remembering the length of the history. ‘He went back to his wife then but couldn’t stand it and left again.’ Miss P. compressed her lips and then burst out, ‘It isn’t fair, I know he would be happy with me but he won’t risk getting married again. If only we had a baby, I know it would be all right. He would love a baby, he loves children, he can’t bear to be away from his children. If I had his baby it would be all right, he would marry me then,’ and she wept, hot, angry, body-jerking tears. When she had sobbed herself to a standstill, work could continue on the real reason for her ‘soreness’ when condoms were used.
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